Extremely Lame

People who live in upper middle class suburbs but do nothing but complain about the suburbs hold a special place of ill will in my heart, particularly the ones from the boomer generation. But for now, I’ll just focus on metropolitan gastronomic hayseeds.

As you may infer from my name for them, metropolitan gastronomic hayseeds are typically found in major metropolitan areas but wish to only consume food that is typically only available on family farms such as non-pasteurized milk and freshly-churned butter. Much of the problem with this comes with dairy products, as they don’t have a sufficient shelf life when they aren’t pasteurized. Organic fruit and free range meat typically don’t have these storage problems.

When it comes down to it, I really don’t care what you want to put in your gob. If you can afford your organic, all-natural, hand-picked, micro-farm-grown foods, go for it. My problem comes when you go bitching in online communities about how you have to drive fifty miles out of town just to get to a farm where you can get milk straight from the udder. There’s a reason it’s difficult to get things like that in the city. It’s because it’s a city. Land is too valuable in a metropolitan area to be used for grazing or groves of fruit trees. If your dietary choices are such that you can’t meet them in a large metropolitan area, maybe you would be happier living out in the country. Oh wait, then your rich suburban friends couldn’t see you making those dietary choices, and what fun is that?