Extremely Lame

Over the past couple decades, experts in their fields have noticed a growing rise in the number of Murcans (Hetero sapiens muricanus) inhabiting North America, their population seeming to grow exponentially through both the traditional methods of procreation, but also through the means of spontaneous generation.

While many believe Murcans to be a modern menace, they have been endimic to North America for well over a hundred years and possibly longer.

Though skeletal structure seems in many ways to be identical to Homo sapiens sapiens, the skull of a Murcan shows otherwise. The skull of Hetero sapiens muricanus is noticibly both thicker and denser than that of Homo sapiens sapiens. The thickening of the skull typically has the effect of shrinking the brain cavity while the brain remains the same size. This causes strenuous mental activity to be extremely painful to the Murcan, so it is done as little as possible and causes a marked distrust in those who do engage in it.

While the overall brain is of similar size to that of Homo sapiens sapiens, the amygdala is hyper-developed. This, in turn, is believed to effect Murcan behavior by making them highly succeptible to fear and emotion-based arguments. Additionally, there is no fight-or-flight response in Hetero sapiens muricanus; instead, there is only a fight response. The reason for this is unknown at this time, but current research suggests that it is because Murcans would consider any method of dispute resolution other than fighting to be “gay.”

That pejorative is not unintentional. In 1995, Murcans successfully lobbied the International Commission on Zoological Nomenclature (ICZN) to have their taxonomic status changed from Homo sapiens muricanus to Hetero sapiens muricanus. This change was effected because the Murcan lobbying group, Murcans for Murca, threatened violence against the ICZN for “callin’ us a buncha faggots.” [citation needed]