Extremely Lame

Well, that is 1 hour and 41 minutes that I am never going to get back, and I have only myself to blame. I generally enjoy the overwhelming majority of movies. Even the worst of Troma and other independent films are things I can enjoy. Mind you, I may not go out of my way to watch something like Meet the Spartans or Epic Movie, but if I had to endure them, I think even those movies I’d be able to find a couple scenes or lines that didn’t make the movie a complete waste.

After tonight, I think a little part of me has died, for I watched Zombies Gone Wild in its entirety.

One would think that with a title like that, you’d expect some combination of Girls Gone Wild and zombies, with zombified nymphettes baring it all to get a taste of brains or something. Not so. The only frontal nudity in the movie occurs in a dream sequence about 24 minutes in, and that lasts about 4 seconds. College age women don’t come into the plot until 44 minutes into the movie. A zombie isn’t even shown until over an hour into the movie. And finally, you don’t actually see anything resembling “zombies gone wild”, i.e. good looking female zombies, until the one hour 16 minute mark, a scant half hour before the movie is over.

Up to that point, all you have are three morons driving around in a van forcing us to endure an endless parade of dick and fart jokes for over an hour, mostly fart jokes. I typically don’t knock a movie’s production, being a fan of low budget movies, but I’ve seen my brother and his stoner friends put out higher quality stuff, and they even knew they couldn’t drag their jokes out for over an hour and a half.

Okay, now that I’ve completely bagged on the movie, there are one or two things that I thought were funny. Mind you, it’s not worth watching the entire movie for them, not by a long shot. But here they are anyway.

When the moron triplets first meet up with the beautiful women (44 minutes in, as previously mentioned), Randy, the wannabe guido that thinks he’s a lady’s man, can’t get over the fact that one of the women is deaf and can’t help making fun of her voice. His dialogue during this scene is pretty amusing, especially when he suggests she “get one of those voicebox things that people with holes in their necks get because he can’t understand a word [she] say[s].”

And the end of the movie has a very Monty Python and the Holy Grail-esque non sequitur ending. But instead of everyone getting arrested, a stereotypically gay hairdresser character comes and stops the shoot and then people get pissed that the shoot gets interrupted and walk off the set and it just sort of ends.

I’m so glad I didn’t waste a Netflix spot or paid any money for this movie. My biggest gripe was that for the most part, it was as boring as Ishtar, another really crappy movie that I actually, legitimately sat all the way through and watched.

I’m going to give it one out of a possible five brains.